“BIG ONE, BIG ONE!! WATCH OUT!”
I hear my oldest yell out to his three siblings who are in the ocean with him. It’s a serene morning; a luminous sky arching across the vast open beach, and the pounding waves are providing all the excitement they need.
As soon as we had unloaded our beach gear on our sandy spot, complete with a front row view of the Atlantic Ocean, the kids asked to go into the tumbling waves on their boogie boards. The eagerness on all four of their faces made me smile and respond “Yes, go!”
Each grabbed a personal boogie board and dashed into an ocean that embraced them like a playful uncle offering countless piggyback rides to shore. Positioned on their own boards, each searched for the biggest waves to carry them all the way onto the wet sand.
The ocean didn’t disappoint. The sun glistened off every wave just as it began to form an arc. Some of my kids overshot the wave’s back and didn’t quite get the heart-pounding ride to shore they were aiming for. Two of my kids, Brady and his older brother, had a natural knack for timing the wave’s crest and then kicking mightily with great anticipation of the euphoric thrill that was only seconds away.
“MOM! I CAUGHT AIR!” Brady yelled out. I grin widely and give him an enthusiastic thumbs-up. I’ve always admired my thrill-seeking boy. His courage and determination inspire me as well as his other siblings to try things beyond our comfort zone. What a rewarding adventure it has been for all of us.
Brady’s fearless influence was on full display as his siblings headed back out time and time again with gutsy desire to catch the perfect wave at the right time to propel them all the way to the shore. After all, they’ve seen him do it many times. He’s even ‘caught air.’ Such is the power of positive influence – inspiring others to believe they can do it by demonstrating that such feats are possible.
When Brady was much younger (he’s approaching ten now), he gave me daily heart attacks with his lack of hesitation for all things physical. At the age of three, he’d hang upside down off the arms of couches and climb trees and just stay up there while I urged him to get down. Around the same age, Brady would find the steepest front yard during our evening family walks and he’d race to the top only to roll down as fast as possible while giggling and getting up to do it again. I know that all kids roll down grassy hills, but with Brady, he seemed to NEED the sensory input that the experience was providing to his body and brain.
As I learned more about kids on the spectrum from Brady’s early intervention therapists, I was able to understand that he wasn’t trying to be reckless. I learned that all children need physical activities to strengthen proprioceptive input in order to improve motor coordination, but that children with autism need it even more because they have intense sensory needs. By doing things like hanging upside down, pumping his legs on a swing vigorously, thumping heavily when descending stairs, encouraging siblings to tackle him, and engaging in various other ‘heavy work’ activities, Brady was fulfilling a need that his autistic brain was craving.
Once I recognized and understood his sensory needs, I was able to help him soothe his brain by providing the physical/sensory input he needed every single day – just rolling him into a tight burrito and laying on top of him for a few seconds helped him feel more balanced internally. Quite naturally, children on the spectrum seek out what sensory stimulation their brain needs.
Indeed, researchers have found that behaviors such as jumping, spinning, rolling, swinging or any other excessive repetitive movement are most common with children with Autism, ADHD, and of course, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Brady was medically diagnosed with all three of these wonderous conditions. With this knowledge, it makes sense that he throws his body into ocean waves and always comes up smiling. “The pool is boring, Mom. The ocean feels so good!”
In the same manner, it felt euphoric to thrash his body down a grassy hill at full speed. After doing this repeatedly, he was calm and relaxed, as if his brain had been satiated.
As soon as he taught himself to ride a bike (which took only minutes), he pedaled with fierce glee throughout the neighborhood, seeking out the BIG hills – the ones his siblings avoided. I was amazed that he never got off his bike to walk it up those very steep hills like his siblings had been doing. It was Brady who showed his siblings that if you pedal hard enough, you can get to the top of any hill. When Brady’s older brother and sister saw him power up that hill for the first time, they laughed in joyful disbelief and exclaimed: “Mom! Look at Brady!”
Last summer, Brady learned how to dive at our pool. His older brother was so impressed that he asked Brady to teach him, and so Brady taught Reagan to dive on that sunny day. Both were thrilled and Reagan has been diving ever since.
This is the magic of Brady being Brady.
Is he a brazen daredevil or does he not think about the ‘what ifs’ because that’s just not how his brain naturally works? Is he merely impulsive or does his brain just need some physical stimulation to achieve calm (and help focus)? He’s influencing my kids to cast their fear to the wind and try something that looks fun but also scary because its new. He’s showing us that most people are approachable and will engage in some way (head nod, smile, or share their own thoughts about a topic). Ultimately, he’s made each one of us step out of our comfort zones in some way or another.
I thought I could change Brady with lots of therapy and a rigid routine. Although early interventions had an enormous impact on his social skills and behaviors, it was his family that benefited the most from reaching out to community resources. We came to understand the boy behind the behaviors and in turn he’s changed all of us in the most positive and surprising ways. All kids are trying to exist as they were created and it’s up to us to honor who they truly are. When we do this, we grow in compassion towards those who appear to be so different from us. We learn that these individuals want what every person desires – to be heard, seen, and accepted just as they are.
Understanding the ‘why’ helps you look past the child’s challenges and recognize their unique capabilities. Step in closer to a child on the spectrum and you’ll discover the many inspiring layers underneath the exterior.
The act of being accepted is not only life-changing for a kid with special needs, but from our family’s experience, it’s transformative for everyone. Unconditional LOVE, understanding the ‘why’ behind the behaviors (and recognizing a child’s cues) leads to a softening of one’s eyes when parenting or befriending a child with invisible disabilities. Less judgment, more acceptance.
too hot for the beach. you timed your away time well. See you soon 🙂
Here’s to more acceptance always. I love Brady’s daredevil determination. It’s funny (not haha funny) how different kids on the spectrum are. Some, like Brady (and Braxton!) are so athletic. Others, struggle with learning to ride a bike. I guess that’s why it’s a spectrum. Anyway, that was a side-brain place. I love that you’re so care-free with the waves (I was always a little afraid of the ones on the east coast as Tucker was also super-sensory seeking and I could imagine him getting swept away, although that may be more Outer Banks than Delaware). (another side brain thing). Thanks much for sharing – it’s so inspirational how Brady inspires all of his family. Love to all of you. Also, the photo of the kids next to the yellow wall is amazing. xo
Thanks Kristi! I couldn’t keep Brady from doing risky things. It took some time for me not to feel so nervous and to loosen the reins some. He’s a very different person than I am but I admire his physical confidence greatly!
So good! I love how that unconditional love serves all of you in different ways, and teaches more than anything too.
Simply perfect.
Thanks Tamara! Love is a powerful force if we allow it to enter. Really enjoyed your many definitions of love.