In 2018, I was in my then 10-year-old daughter’s room sorting laundry when I noticed a piece of paper on the floor near her bed. It was a drawing of a heart and beneath the heart, my daughter had written:
“My brother has specials needs. I am special too.”
Reading these words made me pause and then smile. For the next few days, I kept thinking about those sentences and what they truly meant. Those simple words said so much. She understood that he had special needs and that she was also special by being her own unique self. My mind thought about the big and small ways in which Alexis had bonded with her brother.
I also thought about how I had been teaching my children about autism “in real time,” by trying to make connections between particular behaviors they noticed coming from their brother and ways that they each behaved given the same stressors. For instance, when my daughter asked me why Brady liked to be so loud with his feet (“stomping down the stairs”), I told her that he does this because it is soothing to him. Although an occupational therapist would have explained this as part of Brady’s “proprioceptive input sensory needs,” I had to put it into language that his siblings could understand.
I had to communicate to my children the message that children with autism perceive the world quite differently than many neurotypical people. They often struggle with proprioceptive difficulties, making them behave in challenging ways and act hyperactive. Brady’s siblings wanted to know WHY.
Why does he stomp down the stairs? On the kitchen hardwood floor?
Why does he repeat himself?
Why does he ask the same questions again and again?
Why is he saying “MOOOO?”
Why does he like hanging upside down while making sounds?
As my children asked me these questions, I grappled with the bigger question of: How can a parent explain autism to children when it takes more than a few minutes to explain it to another adult?
My book was born from these thoughts, my daughter’s written words, and my strong desire to increase compassion for young children who have autism. How does a neurotypical sibling relate and connect to a sibling who has autism? How can a parent assist with the fostering of such relationships? One intention I had for my book was to help answer these questions.
There is a well-known quote in the autism world that rings very true:
“When you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” – Dr Stephen Shore
The quote reminds us that autism is a spectrum disorder and presents in a very diverse way from person to person. Writing this book was tricky because it is impossible to represent a child with autism. My only option was to write about how autism affects my own son. Brady’s disorder affects his perception of his surroundings, his reactions to things in his environment (such as lights, noises, smells), and his daily interactions with others. I decided that I could write about how my daughter has learned to interact with Brady and what I’ve told her about his autism.
Four years later, since first seeing my daughter’s note, I have completed my goal of publishing my children’s book. Published by Mascot Books, my book “Can I Tell You About My Brother?” is narrated by my daughter as she walks the reader through her experiences with her younger brother, Brady.
“I have a younger brother who’s also my friend. He’s a bit different from my other brothers. It took a while for me to understand why he does the things he does. My momma told me that my brother has autism, and she helped me see how we are more alike than I thought.”
My book is available for purchase through Amazon and MascotBooks.com
