Blog

Imagine being born blind.  You can’t really imagine what that would be like and neither can I.  But let’s pretend you are born completely blind and then at some point during your early childhood a diagnosis of autism is confirmed by the specialists.  What is it like for you to exist?  What is your world like?  Since you cannot see, do you connect through other senses and are those senses even more in tune to the world than a seeing person?  How do you, despite your impairments, find your self?

How does a neurotypical person find themselves?  Aren’t we guided by our parents and caretakers as soon as we are born?  As a person develops they pick up on ‘cues’ from the environment with all their acute senses, and cues from those around them – the influencers: mom, dad, siblings, and other close people – as to who they are, what they are supposed to be doing, how they should be acting (i.e. what is appropriate according to the influencers).

Mom is smiling at me; I must be doing something right. Mom is using her disapproving voice; I must have done something wrong.  BUT – What if you couldn’t see the faces of your influencers and by natural happenstance you also found comfort in swaying your body as you stood, flapping your hands when you felt a bit excited or perhaps overwhelmed?  These self-soothing behaviors weren’t something you engaged in with any thought as to how they would be perceived by others.  Why would you even think these thoughts of: Should I be doing this?    

But what if an influencer told you that indeed, it wasn’t good to be doing these things.  You really should STOP.  Then you might try to repress your natural urges to rock your body and flap your hands.  With the repetitive messages urging you to ‘please stop’ you might over time, cease being YOU.  An inner war between what you NEED and what you think you must DO rages on.  And this makes you feel anxious– Incredibly anxious until you go up into your own room, close the door, and do all the jumping, flapping, and rocking that your body has been craving.  In your room, without any of the influencers present, you feel free.  Because in your room you can be you.

Remember, you were born blind and autistic.  This is part of your identity.  What if you had the kind of mother that recognized how happy you were as you indulged in your self-soothing, harmless-to-others behaviors?  What if she saw that afterwards, you were calmer for a bit?  What if your mother (in this example, your main influencer) let you be your self without any shame?  How would this help you find your self even more as you grew and were not told to suppress natural parts of your existence?

Now pretend you had a piano or a keyboard in your home and from a very early age, your mother not only allowed you to play on the piano (remember, you are BLIND and you have self-stemming issues associated with autism), but she also immediately recognized that you were positively transformed by the sounds of the piano.  What if she boldly encouraged and supported you from the very first time you put your hands on the keys?

This describes what I imagine Kodi Lee’s world was like.  Kodi Lee’s mother allowed her son to be himself and to keep growing in the direction he wanted to go.  He expressed a strong desire to perform in front of audiences in his local community and because of the unwavering love he received from his mother, he became a global performer.  Last week, he stunned the judges on America’s Got Talent with his perfect pitch performance of Donny Hathaway’s “A Song For You,” as he played piano.  He was awarded the golden buzzer as every single person in the audience stood up and clapped for Kodi because they were in such awe. 

“His eyes just went huge,” said Kodi’s mother, explaining what happened after he pressed the keys of the piano as a young boy.  “He started singing and that’s when I was in tears because that’s when I realized, ‘Oh my gosh, he’s an entertainer.'”

“Through music and performing he was able to withstand living in this world because when you’re autistic it’s really hard to do what everybody else does. It actually has saved his life, playing music.”

I truly believe that it was his mother who saved his life because she allowed him to exist as himself.  To be his authentic, wonderfully unique self.  She allowed him to fully thrive and be more than just a closeted musical savant who played in his room with the door shut.  She listened to his desires, his dreams, and allowed him to guide her.  As a mother of an autistic child I stand and applaud her.  She admits there were a lot of struggles along the way, but she did find a way to fulfill her child’s dream, recognizing that this was who he NEEDED to be, who he was MEANT to be. 

Did Kodi stand up and sway/rock side-to-side on stage after his piano and singing performance?  You bet he did – with a huge grin on his face!  His mother stood there, shoulder to shoulder with him as the judges told Kodi sincerely how his performance touched their hearts.  When he got the golden buzzer and the audience was on their feet screaming and applauding once again, Kodi clapped his hands and then rocked slightly. Then he started jumping up and down in place and saying “YEAH!!!!!” 

Each of the four judges came on stage to personally hug and congratulate him.  He was remarkably poised and repeated each of their names after they introduced themselves.  As he was walked off the stage with his mom and the judges, he is heard laughing joyfully in a freeing child-like way.  In that moment, he’s existing in the fullest state of himself.

Bravo, Kodi Lee!  Bravo to Kodi’s mother, who didn’t suppress her son’s natural talents, who instead, gave him the tools and support to empower Kodi to be exactly who he was meant to be.  Now he’s on national television inspiring others who have disabilities and hopefully, inspiring their parents to understand that the road may be tough but with love and the right kind of guided support, the sky is the limit!

When Brady was around 3 years old, I was coming to terms with how much I needed to bend my mind with extreme amounts of patience and a loving tolerance of who he really was (also, what he needed from me).  Even at that very young age, he was gradually revealing the pieces of himself and guiding me.  Because of the support I received, I was able to see the unique beauty and potential in Brady despite the struggles and small missteps.  At the time, I found a Dr. Suess saying that spoke to me.  I printed and framed it, and hung it on his wall near his bed: