I’ve always believed that it is better to focus on what’s going right rather than dwell too much on what’s not going so well. Even in the worst of times, there are things to be thankful for. If we practice shifting our mind and forcing ourselves to think upon a few positive things in our moment of despair, this practice will become more natural (over time) and can be even a humorous mental exercise to do. I remember laughing out loud when I was having the hardest of days with my four very young kids because the day seemed to spiral into chaos so often. I’d say things in my head like: “I’m just grateful that Brady didn’t pull down my underwear WITH my shorts when he was having that meltdown in the store.” Saying this mentally seemed so ridiculous that I’d start laughing. It’s all about perspective in the moments of stress, worry and upset.
Even as I grappled to figure out how to help Brady, I’d forced myself to take a deep breath when I felt overwhelmed by motherhood and to see my kids as beautifully unique humans- to recognize how incredibly blessed I was to have children. Four healthy, active children who depended on me. How lucky I was that I could be there for them (that I was healthy too!). At the end of a long day with my kids, I would say to myself: “We are all still here. That is enough.” And I really meant it. I knew of mothers who had lost a child (my own mother, for example) and I knew from the personal tragedy of losing my only brother that life was fleeting. Hence it is so important to find the ‘good” in each day and be appreciative of the seemingly small things like we made it through another day and today, thank goodness, my pants were not pulled down by any of the sweet ducklings who waddled beside me.
Below I’ve listed ten things I’m thankful for, as part of a blog party with my friend Kristi Campbell of https://www.findingninee.com. (You can read other blogger’s lists on her site and on Kristi Brockett Brierley’s site, https://www.thankfulme.net.)
- My Solitude. I find I’m a happier person when I can have some alone time each week, whether it is spent walking around our neighborhood, reading a book, or writing. My head feels clearer when I make time to enjoy my pleasurable activities, even if I can only allot 30 minutes at a time. Without any distractions, my brain often shoots off in unexpected directions of thinking which can often help me tap into my own creative solutions (those “AH-HA!” moments).
2. Teachers. This year has been a turning point for Brady because it was his first year in a general education classroom full time (He was mainstreamed!). Brady has had a wonderful team of motivating, patient teachers who have supported him in every way possible: main classroom teacher, two special education aides, his reading teacher, and his speech teacher. However, Brady has been embraced by more than just the teachers who work with him daily. For example, just for Brady, the school’s counselor formed a small social lunch group (Brady and a few typical-developing peers) that met with her once a week to work on building friendships through meaningful social interactions. The intimate non-cafeteria setting allowed the typical-developing kids to get to know Brady on a personal level. They played card games and shared their own likes/dislikes about a topic initiated by the counselor.
Teachers and school staff make an enormous impact on a child like Brady, who quickly picks up on how people feel about him. Their unwavering encouragement, love, and support filled Brady up every day and because of this, he had his best year yet- academically and socially. They are all my heroes.
3. Our after-school helper, Mary. I have four young children, very close in age. Three of my four children receive daily special education services during their school day because they require the small group setting for one or more subjects. At home, they also need this one-on-one support with homework. This is where marvelous Mary steps in and becomes my magnificent helper. I don’t know how I would have maintained my sanity without her. She reads with my youngest and then with Brady. Mary sits patiently with my first grader, helping him learn his spelling words for the week and also assists him with any writing or math sheets. She studies my daughter for history tests. Indeed, Mary is magical – a Mary Poppins of sorts – always cheerful and eager to assist in any way I direct her. We all love her and will miss her as she heads off to college in the late summer. (Luckily, she found a replacement for us and I’m thankful for that!)
4. Movement. I’m grateful that I can move freely without pain. This past winter my right knee became misaligned and I found myself struggling to get up the stairs. I’ve always been an active person and because of this injury, I was once again reminded about how the basic things I take for granted (like the mobility of my body) can change in an instant. Millions of people live their daily lives in chronic pain; one of them is my mother who, for over a decade, has lived with debilitating rheumatoid arthritis in her knees, hips and shoulders. When I visit, I see her wince in pain as she carefully maneuvers around the kitchen, holding onto things for support and balance. I realize how lucky I am that my body has healed itself.
5. Friends. My friends understand my heart, my intentions, and encourage me to just keep swimming, as Dory would say. We bond through shared experiences (many of us have special needs children), through common interests, and humor. I’ve learned the importance of carving out time to be with close friends. Just the laughter alone that we share is so cathartic and helps us all keep a more balanced perspective on life’s challenges. My friends also challenge me to push myself in new directions. For example, for years my friend Kristi (from findingninee.com) would say to me: You should start a blog or write a book. Now, I’m doing both!
I am lucky enough to have a best friend who is like a second mother to my children. She is the type of close friend who takes the time to show up for my kids (and for me) at important school events. She was at Brady’s school’s Wax Museum exhibit in March (He was Alex Honnold, the famous free solo climber.) Just this week, she was an eager customer at the third grader’s Economics Fair (she bought one of Brady’s paper boats). If I ever urgently need her in any way, I know I can call, and she’ll do what she can to help (and so will her husband). Of course, this kind of friendship is sacred and goes both directions. For that, I am so very thankful.
6. Our walks to school every morning. We are lucky enough to live only a 10-12 minute walk from my children’s elementary school. With their bellies full of pancakes, fruit, and perhaps a couple of microwaved hot dogs (Brady’s current favorite), my four cherubs walk with me in a leisurely paced manner chatting about such left-field subjects as:
“Reagan, what if we were robots? Would we still be friendly (to one another)?” -Brady, age 9
“Mom, if I had a boa constrictor and I accidentally stepped on him but said “Oops! I’m so sorry!” would he forgive me?” – Brady
“Mom, that wasp hive is scary! Why do they come out and get so MAD? If I was the queen wasp, I’d gather the boy wasps and tell them to stop this behavior. Do you think therapy might help the most aggressive ones?” – Alexis, age 10
“I’m saving this caterpillar from certain death.” – Cedric, age 7
“Why does the wind blow? What does it want to do?” – Brady
“Mom, if you were one of the Avengers, which one would you be?” – Reagan, age 11
7. Kindness of Lifeguards. We’ve been members at the same pool for a few years now and it’s one of those places where all my kids are happy. They mostly play together, until the lifeguards blow the ‘breaktime’ whistle. Brady is very social with the guards and has memorized the pool rules. He knows exactly when breaktime is (quarter til the hour), how long it lasts (15 minutes). He knows that sometimes the deep end is used for playing water games like tag but when the lifeguard decides, the deep end is suddenly a diving board/waterslide only area. At the start of every summer, I introduce Brady to all the lifeguards and let them know that he has autism. I tell them (without Brady present) what exactly Brady’s autism means (He will hear you, but you will need to repeat yourself without sounding upset. He likes rules so just tell him it is a safety rule for why he can or cannot do something. He will ask you very interesting questions and he truly wants a real response. He isn’t trying to be funny; he’s trying to interact.) All the lifeguards have been so kind and great with Brady. I love how they enjoy interacting with him, how they listen to him:
Brady: “It is 4:46pm, Tommy. You should have already blown your whistle for breaktime.”
Tommy: “Oh! You’re right, Brady. Thanks, buddy.”
Later on –
Brady: “Tommy, is this how I should dive in the deep water?” (Brady does a nice dive.)
Tommy claps and says: “Perfect dive, Brady! Just like I showed you last summer.”
Brady isn’t always socially appropriate. Last summer he told a female lifeguard that he liked how she looked with her sunglasses back on her face. “You look much better with your sunglasses back on. Put them back on.” (She did. I privately tell Brady to not comment on what people choose to wear, unless they ask for an opinion.)
8. My husband. We’ve been married for nearly 19 years and naturally, we’ve gone through a lot of incredible highs (e.g. the birth of our children) and some painful lows (e.g. the death of his mother). He’s a real daddy to our kids and they each have a special relationship with him. This school year he has been so helpful during our hectic after-school evenings. For 5 months, he took our oldest two kids to their weekly swim practices. On the weekend, he takes one of our youngest kids (alternates) grocery shopping. I love how he involves them with the shopping for vegetables, cereals, and all the items I’ve written down on the long list.
Husband/Daddy: “Brady, I need you to take this plastic bag and go pick out the best green beans for the family.”
Brady: “How many do we need?”
Husband/Daddy: “One hundred.”
Brady, very loudly and heads do turn: “OH MY GOSH, DAD! ONE HUNDRED?!”
Later, they are standing near a giant trash can set up beside the unshucked corn. They are both busily pulling down the leaves and the tassle.
Brady to Daddy, as he picks off the long silk tassles stuck to the corn: “Dad, are we giving these corns a haircut?”
Both laugh.
9. I’m grateful that I don’t have to go to work. I’m one of those stay-at-home moms and I feel very blessed to have that luxury. It allows me to have the time to pursue my new hobbies (blogging, writing children’s books).
10. Brady has wanted to go fishing for over a year. Our county has special events for families and their kids with disabilities. Trained volunteers donate their time to make sure that every child can comfortably participate no matter what their impairment. The latest outing is a fishing trip at one of the local lakes, and I’m so thankful that this activity popped up this week. Brady is going fishing and I’m excited to be a part of this with him!
Fishing update: Attempting to catch a fish took more patience than Brady anticipated but he did try for a solid 15 minutes before announcing that fishing was “exhausting.” Instead, he ran around the grassy hills near the lake collecting various rocks. He carefully built a rock structure, telling me that everyone who couldn’t catch a fish could come and take one of his rocks home instead. After another 30 minutes, a fisherman yelled out: “I’ve got one!” -which reinvigorated Brady’s interest. We both ran to see the small fish flipping back and forth as the fisherman unhooked and released it.
I’m so glad you linked up to the combined FTSF/TToT blog hop this week, and I love your list! Friends, teachers, and others who support and respect you and your children are so important. I also was a stay-at-home mom, and loved the opportunities that afforded me. I’m glad you have so many good resources and programs for your children. Thanks again for linking up!
Thank you for reading my list! You are so right about support being so important, even if your job is being a stay-at-home. Motherhood is hard no matter whether you have neurotypical kids or special needs children. Each of us has to learn what works in terms of figuring out our own needs and the needs of our kids.
You’re so right about finding gratitude, especially in moments where the world is the darkest. You are brilliant and beautiful and the best mom to those kids! Love you, sissy!
Aww! Right back at you, Tracey! I’m trying to soak in the good moments because they are there right in front of my eyes. It helps to have some alone time too- for resetting my mind.
Such a great list! First, I’m so glad you listened when I said you should blog or write a book. You’re obviously a natural! One of my personal thankfuls is that I know you in real life, and that we’re the type of friends you mentioned who can laugh and be real with one another. That’s meant so much to me over the years, and I really appreciate it. <3
I found myself smiling all the way through this post of yours – about alone time, teachers (OMG we were so lucky… I had no idea how lucky at the time). I love our kids' brains too. So much. Like "Mom, if I had a boa constrictor and I accidentally stepped on him but said “Oops! I’m so sorry!” would he forgive me?” Perfection!
I’m happy I made you smile with my post. Honestly, I had about 20 things in my head for this list but wanted it to be a mix of serious and lighter things – all for which I am grateful!
Welcome to (the TToT side of the mash-up)! Though I do at times frequent the FTSF bloghop.*
I liked post. I think I mentioned it on some other blog this weekend, how some people have a gift for taking a list format (gratitude, in the case of the TToT) and while keeping it simple, manage to create a post that is both varied and in-dept. Like vignettes (for some of the individual items.
Item 6 a perfect example of what I think I’m getting. A little ‘story’ engaging and interesting.
Very cool
Thanks for joining us.
*it was, in fact, the first bloghop I enjoyed here in the blogosphere.
Thank you, Clark. I find a lot of bizarre humor by hanging out with my kids. I play the straight man and let the questions and my serious responses take a fun ride into their imaginations.
The teachers, the after-school helper, and friends to help and support you in giving your children the kind of education and experiences they need are wonderful things for which to be thankful. Having friends who “get” what it is like is a blessing.
Months ago, I lost two styluses and I finally just bought more. This week I found each of them. They were in two different places and laid hidden all those months. Now, if I can just find out what happened to that missing potholder. LOL
Thank you, Pat. I often think that great teachers are like real angels around my kids. They make them feel secure, loved and safe.
Aww thank you for your post! It’s so lively and hopeful, claiming the victories of life.
Goodness, the things kids come out with…not to mention the things YOU come out with when you’re around them, can be quite breathtakingly bizarre and usually memorable. It sounds like you have fabulous support at your school for your children, and I’m so pleased for that. It’s all too rare an event, I think.
That’s the only way to get through life, laughter and thankfulness.Thankfulness keeps your head above water when everything looks impossible. Laughter is good for the soul.I love the time you squirted silly string at your kids when they were in a heated argument. Good for you. Your kids are so blessed to have you for their mama.
This was a delightful and uplifting read, and I am happy to meet you via the TToT! You have a wonderful gift for truly seeing the important blessings in your life, the things we sometimes overlook, and also for coping as a busy mom of four and maintaining your perspective. I applaud you for recognizing the importance of solitude and friends. When we take care of ourselves we have more energy to take care of those who depend on us. My mother also spent much of her life dealing with severe RA, and now when my knees fail to cooperate or my fingers get tired, I just think of her, non-complaining, and I am ever so thankful that I can do as much as I can as 65. She passed at 67. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband, a devoted father to the kids, and I know he must be your greatest blessing. Thank you for sharing this little window into your life with us, you’ve got the attitude of gratitude down pat. “And her children shall grow up and call her blessed.” XO
What a great list, it is inspiring. It has been so much fun reading all the lists for the TToT anniversary.
I’m so glad you joined us for the TToT this week! Your list is fabulous! Congratulations on the mainstreaming! Sounds like you are in an excellent school! Love the funny things your kids say, especially your daughter thinking the wasps could use some therapy.
Terrific list! I love your kids’ quotes on the walks to school – you are smart to write those down.It sounds like you are surrounded by a community who loves and cares for you and your boys – I hope that continues for years to come!
Arrrggghh! I see that my comment up there posted as “Anonymous”. Google and I tend to squabble a lot about such things! Just wanted you to know that it was written by me, Josie Two Shoes, I really wasn’t trying to go incognito! 🙂
It was one of the nicest comments I’ve received so far! Thank you!