“Sometimes, people start to treat me differently, because they think I’m not paying attention,” she said. “Or [they don’t] understand some of the things that I do, like hand-flapping, when I’m overwhelmed.”
–Xolie Morra Cogley, age 37, and owner of a dog grooming business who describes herself as “an autistic woman of all trades.”
This past weekend, I walked into the grocery store and a young woman with a plastic transparent container momentarily looked at me. I noticed Shelby had a grocery shirt on (an employee) and was assigned to the inside entrance of the store to collect monetary donations for a cause. While it was a bit unclear what the charity cause was for, I felt her look back at me and I stopped, smiled a little and said “hi.”
That’s all it took. She looked to the side a bit and started talking:
“Wow. So many people have birthdays this weekend the balloons are going fast.”
“Yes, I guess…(interrupted by Shelby before I could finish)
“Lots of people born on the same day that must be hard for families if they have more than one person with a birthday today.”
“Yes, it must be but..(interrupted by Shelby, who was looking at the balloons as she talked in my direction)
“If I had two kids with the same birthday I don’t know. I think I’d buy two cakes and two balloons but that would be a lot. But if they celebrated together then maybe.”
“You could have one big cake,” I interrupt as her eyes catch mine again. They widen a bit with this idea.
“Yes one half could be for the girl and one for the boy on the other side and you could do blue for the boy side. The girl side would need pink, but you could keep them separate so they feel they have their own.”
Her soft speech pattern felt like a gentle creek flowing- steady, thoughtful, and serene.
Her eyes were up above my head, and she voiced out her vision of how to make such a cake work for both genders.
“You could write Happy Birthday in pink on the girl side—the boy side could also have Happy Birthday but in blue. It would have to be a big cake.”
Then her eyes quickly dart to mine as she says, “It could work, you need to use different colors on the sides. Yes.”
“I agree. It would work,” I say as she murmurs something in a soft whisper and her eyes look straight ahead, seemingly unfocused, looking deep in thought.
Perhaps deep in thought about a creative cake with the goal of recognizing the special day of more than one individual.
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My son enjoys interacting with others. If you were to converse with him, you’ll notice he is a bit quirky. A bit different than you might have assumed.
He is on the autism spectrum.
But this does not mean he does not want to engage with you, to express his thoughts.
He may not seem to be taking in all that you are saying but do not let this deter you. He needs your conversational feedback. He needs to feel seen and heard.
If you take the time to listen, you may feel touched by his sensitivity to the world around him. You might even be surprised by his creative mind. A mind that feels empathy and thinks about things differently.
The experience can make your heart smile and help you view the world through a wider, more accepting lens.
Beautifully said. You are so compassionate. It’s wonderful.