Dearest Reagan,
On the brink of your 6th grade graduation from elementary school, I wanted to share with you how proud I am of you and all of the ways I’ve seen you grow. You are my first-born child and the oldest of four. You are the leader of the pack — I can see how much every one of your siblings looks to you for your reactions, your opinion, your guidance. They are comforted by your presence, Reagan, and clearly miss you when you are hanging elsewhere with your group of school friends.
You have always been a sweet kid, a sensitive child who quickly picks up on the emotions of others. I was a bit hesitant to send you off to kindergarten because you had just turned 5 years old less than a month before the school year began. I sent you because you were so smart and I wanted you to have access to a new experience away from being at the house with your three young siblings (ages 3, 2, and 1 at the time). You knew all your letters by the time you were 18 months and recognized dozens of sight words before turning 5. You enjoyed the structure and routine of preschool and seemed very content doing puzzles, building Legos, and playing with your hot wheels for hours at a time. You were what moms would label an easy child- easy to be around, easy to soothe, easy to put to bed, easy to feed, easy to entertain. Sure, you had your meltdown moments, but, for the most part, you stepped into the role of leader quickly and relished your role as mommy’s main helper (when Daddy was at work). I’m grateful for that, Reagan. I always thank God that He gave you to us. You are a light in my life. I love you dearly.
By the time you were in 1st grade, you started to realize that your brother Brady was very different than you. Brady was LOUD, impulsive, and demanding, while you were thoughtful, pensive and quiet. Brady was fearless; you were very cautious. I had to chase Brady around while you were always right by my side. I remember that by the time you were 7 you asked me why Brady wasn’t listening to you. You had tears in your eyes as you explained to me that Brady was destroying the car game you had meticulously set up in the playroom. You had told him to STOP and he was doing the opposite. I could tell you were hurt by the realization that even saying the magic word ‘please’ wasn’t going to stop your brother Brady from charging through the room on his tip-toes and purposely stepping on the nicely lined up cars you had positioned so precisely on the carpet.
Brady seemed like such a menace, didn’t he? I must tell you that I was upset by his behavior as well, but I understood that he wasn’t doing it with any ill will. I wasn’t sure WHY Brady was doing such things like yelling, hanging upside down off couches, and storming through our house on his tip toes, but I would find out as time marched on.
I don’t remember exactly when I first told you that your brother’s brain was different – very different. I do remember one day when you were utterly exasperated by Brady’s disruptive behavior and came to me in frustrated tears. I remember struggling with HOW to tell you precisely how Brady’s brain was different than yours. I told you he was getting help from his preschool teachers who worked everyday with other kids just like Brady. I remember privately talking with you about how Brady was going to therapy to help him learn new skills such as how to interact with others in a kind manner (social play). You seemed to somewhat understand what I was saying but, at the same time, you really didn’t. How could I expect you, a child of age 6 or 7, to fully grasp what autism meant, what ADHD meant, and what sensory issues entailed for your younger brother? He looked normal, so why didn’t he ACT normal?
Reagan, I look at how you are with your special needs brother now. You’ve been on a journey that could have easily derailed so many times, but miraculously it didn’t. You are the most protective, adoring big brother that Brady could have ever hoped for. You have found ways to bond with him that will last a lifetime. Instead of pulling away from Brady, you kept allowing yourself to be lured back into the thick love you felt for your brother. I could see how you admired his fearless ways, even if watching him scale trees made you nervous. Both of you have helped one another grow. You allowed him to teach you how to dive! You inspired him to get on his bike and ride for the first time without training wheels! You both influence one another in amazing ways, and it’s been such a pleasure for me to watch. My ying and my yang lift each other up.
You've always been a source of comfort and a loving friend to Brady.
Reagan, you’ve grown from a shy, hesitant kindergartener to a confident, incredibly compassionate almost-12-year-old. You’ve pushed yourself academically and seem eager for the next chapter in your life, middle school. I know you’ll do very well and continue to grow emotionally as you discover more about who you are, what you want, and how amazingly unique you truly are.
You are talented in so many ways – you’re an excellent swimmer, a chess master, a Rubik’s cube solver, a creative YouTuber (code name: Itz Raygz!), a prolific reader, an expressively passionate piano player, and a shrewd card player. These are just some of the few tangible things that come to mind. However, what I really admire about you is the person you are on the inside. You’re fiercely loyal to your family and friends. To put it simply, you are KIND. Intentionally kind. Since you sincerely care about how others are feeling, people feel safe around you. They trust you and feel connected to you. Remember how you dance with me in the kitchen every week before school? You typically do some very cool Fortnite moves and I ‘freestyle’ it. Let’s keep having our impromptu kitchen dance parties, no matter how old and uncoordinated I get.
Always know that you have a voice- that your feelings, ideas and opinions MATTER. I love how you open up with me and we work together to find solutions.
My advice for you is to keep reaching high because there is no limit to what you can accomplish when you have the desire and passion to make something happen. There will be stumbles and pitfalls along the way, but you’ve already shown me how resilient you can be. You are a kind and caring young man and I am very proud of you. So GO, and light up your wildest dreams* son. Never give up! Aim high and you’ll surprise yourself with what you will achieve. I have no doubt, Reagan.
Love always,
Mom
*words extracted from High Hopes song by Panic! At the Disco
Reagan and his beloved siblings - Spring 2019
Reagan helps his youngest brother, Cedric
Aw! This got to me. Our babies are growing up and showing us how amazing they are. I love what an amazing brother Reagan is to Brady and know they’ll be close and supportive and teaching each other things always. <3 Happy almost 6th grade graduation, Brady, and Mama – it's definitely OK to cry.
I cried this morning as I read about our Reagan. I remember he made me feel like the best Grandma ever as he quietly lay on my shoulder as a newborn. You are the best of the best, Reagan. Go set the world on fire in your own gentle, loving way. Be the person you are today, the one who makes everyone feel special. Even old Grandmas need your perfect touch.
You’re a special one, Reagan, the perfect one to be the oldest sibling!